When fear knocks, let faith answer the door… I heard this from Joel Osteen and for most part of the day, I kept on hearing this phrase in my head… When fear knocks, let faith answer the door…
For the past few days, I have this inkling of fear lurking in my heart. Combine it with the disappointment and weariness, it takes its toll on my system.
The past few days, I have been anxiously waiting for the result of my final interview with this company. Initially, I applied for the entry-level post, but alas, they scheduled me for an interview for the trainer and/or the communications analyst post. I have been twiddling my thumbs waiting for their call. They told me that this week, I would hear something from them. But its the weekend and until now, all has been quiet.
I am close to tears, because I really am desperate for a job. When this opened up, I knew that it was the hand of God coming over me.
I keep on fighting the fears that are lurking inside of me and I keep on telling myself to trust God – that the Heavenly Father will bring everything together like a big puzzle, He has His reasons and He has a purpose in my life. He listens to my prayers and He is the only one who will bring everything that I have hoped for and waited for to come into my life.
The battle that I face as each minute pass is really something. It’s a battle of faith versus fear. It’s a battle where hopelessness and trust in the Lord rage inside of me as I wait on the Lord and His promises.
I keep on telling myself that all of this will come to pass as I put my faith and trust in the Lord. I keep on saying to myself that the harder the labor, the longer the wait, the bigger the reward. God is the God of more than enough and He is the author and finisher of our faith. In Him and through Him will I see the miracles and breakthroughs in my life.
It is a battle when faith is tested. It is a walk that is full of challenges and roadblocks. There are moments when you come to a portion of the road where you need to step sideways because the road is so narrow and that one wrong move or misstep will cause you to fall down the ravine.
I know that this experience has come to many when all that could go wrong has gone wrong. When you hope, expect and where you try and try but still nothing is happening.
For me, this comes everyday. I look at my child and pray to God to supplement us with what we need. I look at my child and my heart breaks because she is the one suffering from the selfishness of others. I look at my child and at times, I am sorely tempted to accept compromise just so I could give her what she needs and that she will lack for nothing….
But then my heart rebels against all of that! I look at my child and hope and pray that God would hear my prayers. That God would finally give me a good job where I could provide for her well and that God will use me to restore all that has been stolen from this little girl.
My child years for a complete family. My child yearns for a real home. My child deserves comfort and abundance. God knows that I have tried my best to look for a job… but until now… I am still waiting. The stress and toll of this waiting at times spills over to my little girl… She feels the disappointment that I feel. She feels the anger and hurt that lurks in my heart. At times, I tend to take it out on her with sharp words… For that I am so sorry…
There are moments when fear would do a big number on me and would just paralyze me. There are moments when I would just like to sleep my life away and pray that somehow someway, all of this would change. Just like in a movie, I would wake up and still be 18 or 21… a point in my life where all was still well…
Fear is constant but so is Faith. Like I said, when fear knocks, let faith answer the door. I hold on as much as I can to this promise of God…
2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP)
7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
For the past 13 months, I have been walking solely on faith… I know that my miracles are close and I know that all of this is just a smokescreen from the enemy as God opens a new chapter in my life… Faith is stronger than fear!
Psalm 37:4 (AMP)
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.