Look at the picture… Let me tell you that the picture accurately describes what I feel at the moment. My frustration levels are so high that often I just want to bang my head on the nearest solid surface just so I would wake up from the nightmare that I am going through, or like the picture, just bite into my PC – I was even tempted to hurl it across the room and stomp on it just for good measure.
I never imagined that my life would be like this. I never imagined that I would go through all of these challenges and trials… take note: they all came in at the same time… think flood! So try to understand the frustration levels that I am experiencing, along with moments of despair and depression.
I have been job hunting for the past few months and still, I haven’t found a suitable job. Oh don’t get me wrong, I am not picky… I’m just practical. There is no point in accepting a job offer if your salary will not even cover half of your expenses. That is not just a show of desperation, but plain and clear stupidity.
I know my work qualifications, I know what I can do (etc) and I showcase them to the best that I can. I even have gone as far as to have back to back initial interviews and final interviews. Right now, it’s more of waiting for the decision. But even if I am waiting for results, I still continue the process of job hunting. From the number of CV’s that I have sent out, I really do mean business.
BUT IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!!! The bills are piling up and I do not know where else would I find the money to pay for my utilities. Then there is the food for my child and her school expenses. This is one of the most frustrating and one of the longest wait that I have gone through in my life.
There are moments when I just wonder if God still listens to my prayers. I sometimes wonder if He is not fed-up with me and my non-stop pestering. I sometimes wonder “Where is God? Does He still love me?”
Through the midst of this insanity I still have hope… I make a conscious effort to always go back to hope. It’s difficult especially when you are down on your last meal – which is good for one and there are two of you or when the guy from the water company or electric company is serving you your last notice before they disconnect your water or electric… its difficult to have hope but I fight my way through the doom and gloom and hold on to hope. That is all that I have left.
I guess all of the frustration is from the fact that I know I can change my circumstances and I am doing all that I can to make things right. I am actively looking for work, but to no avail. I started a home business but it didn’t pan out well. I worked online, writing freelance – but lo and behold – I was scammed! gggrrrr!!!!
I ask God to guide me each step of the way and I ask for anointing for everything but nothing is happening… I wonder what else do I need to do?
A note to the enemy: No! I will not sell my body or my soul for money, I will not submit to compromise and mediocrity. You have kicked and abused me for the longest time and I will not listen to you, so you can go to hell and stay there! You do not have a place in my life! I say this not just under my breath or shout it out not just in my home, but I am posting this via the web so that my declaration is bigger and grander!!!! Top that you deceiver!
I guess this is my trial of fire… my purification process…
The bible says:
1 Corinthians 3:12-15 Amplified Bible (AMP)
12 But if anyone builds upon the Foundation, whether it be with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw,
13 The work of each [one] will become [plainly, openly] known (shown for what it is); for the day [of Christ] will disclose and declare it, because it will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test and critically appraise the character and worth of the work each person has done.
14 If the work which any person has built on this Foundation [any product of his efforts whatever] survives [this test], he will get his reward.
15 But if any person’s work is burned up [under the test], he will suffer the loss [of it all, losing his reward], though he himself will be saved, but only as [one who has passed] through fire.
Looking at the scripture… I know and feel and see with my eyes of faith that I will soar out of all of this with flying colors. It’s really just the waiting part or the in-between part that is starting to rub me raw.
Pray for me to get through all of this and to stay in faith for one more minute, one more day, one more week, one more month…
Lord, I know that You are the author and finisher of our faith. You know the beginning to the end. Give me the grace and mercy to wait on You and to trust You more. I am having a difficult time handling all of my problems since they are coming in torrents. You promised in Isaiah 59:19 (AMP)
19 So [as the result of the Messiah’s intervention] they shall [reverently] fear the name of the Lord from the west, and His glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him and put him to flight [for He will come like a rushing stream which the breath of the Lord drives].
Father, I remind You of Your promises to me as Your child. In Psalm 68:5-6 (AMP), you said that you are
5 A father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows is God in His holy habitation.6 God places the solitary in families and gives the desolate a home in which to dwell; He leads the prisoners out to prosperity; but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
Lord God, make Your word true. Be with me. I need You so much. I am nothing without you. Be with me and my child. I need You. I ask in the mighty name of Jesus, send me my blessings now Father, be true to Your word, Amen.