This has been a recurring thing for me for the past few months… As soon as I wake up, that moment when you gain cognitive powers, thoughts would bombard me about my situation. My lack of funds, the worries that I need to face, my ex and his girlfriend, how lonely I am in life, etc.
I find it funny most of the time, because I know that this is the enemy trying to steal my peace. I know that he is hell-bent on destroying whatever faith that I have and whatever belief that I have in heart that something amazing is going to happen in my life… Today!
Sometimes, it upsets me a bit and makes my heart race because there is a reality that I need to face. There are bills that are piling up, I need to feed my child and the lack of funds tends to make me worry.
But most of the time, I laugh at the enemy’s efforts and I face him head-on… With prayer. I make a conscious effort to start thanking God that He allowed me to wake up, I thank the Lord that He is still on the throne, I thank Him that He loves me and will bring forth something amazing in my life for each and everyday. I also thank God that today will be the day that I will see my miracle, today is the day that I will see my breakthrough.
Once I’m fully lucid and I’ve had my glass of water and my cup of coffee, I say to myself that the enemy is really pulling all of the stops in my life and I know why… I am destined for something great.
Just imagine the battle that I am going through and tell me if I am not destined for something amazing. I am a single mother, I am currently taking care all of our living expenses (for me and my child) as well as taking care of my child-alone. My siblings hate me because I did not choose to live a life of compromise, they sided with my ex because of money and they are one of my most avid detractors to date. They even said that they expect me and my child to die in the next coming months because of my pride. I keep on trying to find work but I can’t seem to land a decent good paying job. I wanted to open up a home based business or a business wherever but I lack the funding needed. I tried to go to people whom I thought would help, but lo and behold, my coming to them led to them destroying my reputation… and to think that these are my godparents. The father of my child is hell-bent to withhold child support because he is saying that he wants me suffer, to the point that he expects me to kill myself out of desperation because of my current state.
Hehehe… One thing that I can say to them and to the situation… They are not God.
When all of this first happened, I was down in the dumps, I was so beaten down that it would take me days just to move. I felt so alone. But… I kept on praying. Long prayers, short prayers or just calling out to Jesus and just saying His name.
Well… I’m still here, and I am still alive and I know deep in my heart, in all that I am… that God has a purpose for me. This is why I started this blog-site. I wanted to share what I am going through and maybe help a person or two and encourage them to not give up. Like I said in a previous post, I am not where I want to be… BUT!!!! I will be through the grace and mercy of the Almighty Father. The secret petitions of my heart are grand, and only HE will answer them…
Psalm 37:4 New International Version (NIV)
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Isn’t that a great promise? I claim that over me and my child each and everyday.
In all honesty, for most part, I take all of this as a learning experience when it comes to my faith. I think and I feel that this stage in my life is the turning point where God is planning to show me His amazing powers and goodness, if and only if I trust and believe in Him with my whole heart and soul. I decided to walk out of a relationship that was full of deceit and compromise and of course, I will be persecuted for it because I decided to walk the narrow path. I shifted from the clutches of the enemy and back into the arms of my loving Father.
I know that it’s not much as of this moment when it comes to my situation, but I know that with each prayer, each time I turn to God and ask for His help and thank Him for His love, I know and feel that I am close to my breakthrough. I have gone too far to stop now. I have gone through so many closed doors that soon enough a bigger and better doors will open. I can’t give up and I tell you the odds are really asking me to give up and just quit and yes say yes to all of the compromise. Well… God is still on the throne and the last time I checked He is still All-Powerful. God is the God of healing, restoration, vindication and justice… He is the God of the suddenly and He is the God of breakthroughs.
Psalm 116:1-2 New International Version (NIV)
1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
I am strong in the Lord and the power of His might,
No weapon formed against me shall prosper and succeed.
If God be for me, who dare be against me. I am covered with God’s precious blood. Amen.